Thursday, March 31, 2011
A Blog a Day
I've decided to keep myself busy by writing a post every day in April. Sure, sometimes it may just be a post of pictures, but other days I will hopefully have something to talk about! So, who thinks I can do it?!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Deployment Breakdown
I had my first deployment breakdown yesterday. I'm not sure if "deployment breakdown" is really a term, but I'm making it one because I definitely had one.
I was getting a package together for Asa, and uploaded some pictures to Walmart.com to print for him. So, five hours later I went to pick them up. The guy at the photo counter tells me that they can't print any pictures today because they are updating their software. So, I told him I didn't understand why they would tell me my pictures would be ready in an hour if they aren't printing pictures at all today. He said he didn't know. That's when I raised my voice and waved my hands yelling, "My husband is deployed and I'm just trying to send him some pictures of our daughter since he's half way across the world!" (And even as I was yelling at him I couldn't believe what I was doing. I'm just not that kind of person.) So, he puts his hands on the counter, leans over towards me and says, "Lady, there is nothing I can do about it!"
I calmly walked away, and then the tears started. They were slow at first, and then I found myself hiding in the ladies underwear aisle sobbing. I was terribly embarrassed, but at the same time I just wanted someone to come ask me if I was okay and at least offer me a dressing room to cry in so people weren't staring at me. Poor Marley was petting my arm, telling me "It's okay Mommy. Why you cryin' Mommy?"
I composed myself enough to go through the checkout line, and then cried the whole way home in the car. Meanwhile, I was trying to tell Marley that I was okay, and that I was just having a bad day. I don't think she really believed, and that was the biggest reason that I stopped crying. She didn't need to see it happening.
Before Asa left, we talked about how hard this deployment would be. I had read that it would be hard, and I had heard that it would be hard. But I had no idea what kind of hard. I honestly feel like it was easy for the first few weeks. I was so busy, and it just didn't feel real yet. But I think I've reached the hard part now.
It's hard because I'm so lonely. I have Marley, our family, and friends, and I appreciate all of them. But no matter what, they can't replace Asa.
It's hard to watch Marley miss him so much. The other day she told me, "I really want Daddy come home. I want take a bath with him." It broke my heart, and it's so hard to find an answer for her.
It's hard to wonder how he's doing, and not hear from him when he said we would. It's obviously not his fault that he can't call us, but it is still so disappointing when my hopes are up.
It's hard know that so many things will happen to both of us that we will never get to talk about. We tell each other about everything when we are together, and there are so many things that I want to tell him every day. But they get forgotten or we don't have time to talk about them.
It's hard to know that yes, we made it through our first month. But can we do that 11 more times?
It's hard to want time to go by so quickly for one reason, but slowly for other reasons.
I wish I could be upbeat all the time. But it's just not possible. I want to write about the hard days too, because in a few months I may need to remember how I felt. It may help to see how things have changed for us. Hopefully they get better.
I was getting a package together for Asa, and uploaded some pictures to Walmart.com to print for him. So, five hours later I went to pick them up. The guy at the photo counter tells me that they can't print any pictures today because they are updating their software. So, I told him I didn't understand why they would tell me my pictures would be ready in an hour if they aren't printing pictures at all today. He said he didn't know. That's when I raised my voice and waved my hands yelling, "My husband is deployed and I'm just trying to send him some pictures of our daughter since he's half way across the world!" (And even as I was yelling at him I couldn't believe what I was doing. I'm just not that kind of person.) So, he puts his hands on the counter, leans over towards me and says, "Lady, there is nothing I can do about it!"
I calmly walked away, and then the tears started. They were slow at first, and then I found myself hiding in the ladies underwear aisle sobbing. I was terribly embarrassed, but at the same time I just wanted someone to come ask me if I was okay and at least offer me a dressing room to cry in so people weren't staring at me. Poor Marley was petting my arm, telling me "It's okay Mommy. Why you cryin' Mommy?"
I composed myself enough to go through the checkout line, and then cried the whole way home in the car. Meanwhile, I was trying to tell Marley that I was okay, and that I was just having a bad day. I don't think she really believed, and that was the biggest reason that I stopped crying. She didn't need to see it happening.
Before Asa left, we talked about how hard this deployment would be. I had read that it would be hard, and I had heard that it would be hard. But I had no idea what kind of hard. I honestly feel like it was easy for the first few weeks. I was so busy, and it just didn't feel real yet. But I think I've reached the hard part now.
It's hard because I'm so lonely. I have Marley, our family, and friends, and I appreciate all of them. But no matter what, they can't replace Asa.
It's hard to watch Marley miss him so much. The other day she told me, "I really want Daddy come home. I want take a bath with him." It broke my heart, and it's so hard to find an answer for her.
It's hard to wonder how he's doing, and not hear from him when he said we would. It's obviously not his fault that he can't call us, but it is still so disappointing when my hopes are up.
It's hard know that so many things will happen to both of us that we will never get to talk about. We tell each other about everything when we are together, and there are so many things that I want to tell him every day. But they get forgotten or we don't have time to talk about them.
It's hard to know that yes, we made it through our first month. But can we do that 11 more times?
It's hard to want time to go by so quickly for one reason, but slowly for other reasons.
I wish I could be upbeat all the time. But it's just not possible. I want to write about the hard days too, because in a few months I may need to remember how I felt. It may help to see how things have changed for us. Hopefully they get better.
A Weekend in Austin
Marley was so good in the car on the way to Austin and back. Her DVD player stopped working (it could have been the DVD player's fault or it could have been Marley pushing buttons... who knows) but she managed to entertain herself like a pro! She read books, talked about trains, and pointed out different cars and flowers and cows. She is the best car rider!
We had a blast in Austin. It's always nice to get spoiled for a few days! Marley practiced her golf game with some real clubs! They were obviously too long, and the didn't have any control over them. But she had a blast trying!
She also helped Mimi 2 in the garden. She shoveled acorns and twigs out of the garden and made a pile of them on the porch. She took this job very seriously!
We went on evening walks around the golf course, did a bunch of shopping for the baby, and of course Marley got some presents too! Like an Easter chick to cuddle the whole way home!
Trips like this are going to make this year go by so much more quickly. They are little distractions that get us away from the normal scenery and give us something to get excited about. So, we have another trip planned for April!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Don't read if you're on a diet
Marley and I are in Austin for a few days visiting Mimi 2 and Pawpaw Gene. Marley gets totally spoiled here because Mimi 2 has an endless supply of ice cream! So, we enjoyed our dessert today on the back porch, watching the golfers crive by on their golf carts.
Makes you want some ice cream, doesn't it?!
Makes you want some ice cream, doesn't it?!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Friends Already
Marley loves her brother or sister so much already! Every morning, she tells the baby good morning and rubs my belly to wake it up. She loves to rub lotion on my belly when we are sitting in bed together. She hugs and kisses my belly, and even tells the baby secrets. And every time we get a new item for the baby, she asks me to pull my shirt up and she lays it on my tummy. She asks, "Do you like it baby?" It's the sweetest thing. She also loves to sing to the baby. When we are in bed she sings very sweetly and quietly, but sometimes she is really in the mood to entertain!
The baby had been moving around like crazy before they started singing, but it was completely still after their beautiful music! It may have been totally scared to move, thinking they might start up again!
I always tell Asa that Marley is taking such good care of me, and doing so many of the "husband" things to do like the lotion and the singing. She is so caring already. I seriously cannot wait to see them together. Marley is going to be such an awesome and sweet big sister. And I can tell that even though they will have their moments of fighting, they will also be such great friends one day.
Singing to the Baby from Jillian Shaw on Vimeo.
The baby had been moving around like crazy before they started singing, but it was completely still after their beautiful music! It may have been totally scared to move, thinking they might start up again!
I always tell Asa that Marley is taking such good care of me, and doing so many of the "husband" things to do like the lotion and the singing. She is so caring already. I seriously cannot wait to see them together. Marley is going to be such an awesome and sweet big sister. And I can tell that even though they will have their moments of fighting, they will also be such great friends one day.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Month One
In four days, Asa will have been gone for a month. And I can honestly say that this month went by much more quickly than I thought it would. I had been warned that it would be the hardest, and it would take forever. But I think I have been busy enough to let it go by without really thinking about it. In some ways, I feel like this month doesn't even count. He left in the advanced party, so the rest of his company only left their families a week ago. But then I think back on everything that has happened in the past month and I definitely feel like it counts.
Marley and I have moved out of house, traveled to Texas, seen friends and family, played outside, gotten a puppy, worked out, gone to doctor's appointments, and taken really good care of each other. And Asa has been busy most of the time also. He has traveled many places, taken classes, built things for their barracks, gone on his first mission, and whatever the heck else they are doing every day. Will we survive 11ish more months of this? Oh, I know we will. But I really feel like this last month was easy compared to what's ahead of us.
We have gotten to send him two packages already. Marley and I love picking things out for him and finding his favorite snacks at the grocery store. I love that it gives us something to get excited about. He knows most of what will be coming in his packages, but we also have a blast throwing some surprises in. Emily V. helped us make his some homemade cookies, and then we vacuum sealed them to hopefully keep them fresh. We made a lot of cookies, and when I talked to Asa last I mentioned that he might want to share them. His response? Heck no, he is not sharing! It is crazy to me that we are putting things in his box that we made or we picked out just for him, and in a few weeks, half a world away, he will open that box and pull out each thing. He will know how much we love him from each thing we put in the box, and he will get to see the pictures that Marley made just for him. It makes me so happy to think about how special it will be for him to get all those things.
Marley has been doing great so far with everything. She misses him so much, and she tells me that all the time. She will say that she loves him, she misses him, she wants to play with him, and she wants to hug him. It breaks my heart to hear her and try to figure out exactly what to say back to her. But it also shows me that she loves him tremendously, and it makes me so happy that she still thinks about him so often even though he is not here. We talk about him constantly. We look at pictures of him and talk about silly things he says or does.
She gets a present from Daddy every week, and it makes her day. It's usually something small like some new crayons or some Dora snack plates, but she lights up when she sees a note from him and gets to show off her presents to everyone she sees. Her gifts are always sitting somewhere in the house waiting for her to wake up in the mornings. (Just to clarify, I have been getting to gifts and writing the notes, but she doesn't know all that of course.) He outdid himself this past week though and ordered her a tricycle online and had it shipped here! I was even surprised by that one!
She also has three Daddy books that she loves to read at night. We bought two recordable books from Hallmark and he recorded his voice reading them to her. She knows exactly what's going to happen when I open the book, but as soon as she hears his voice she turns to me and smiles. She loves to hear her Daddy read them to her. And we also get the added benefit of the baby hearing his voice every night also. The third book is a book Called "A Paper Hug" that she got from her Grandma and Pappy two Christmases ago. She loves that book also and I think it really helps her understand everything better.
She is so proud of her Daddy, and he is so proud of her. I never have to worry that she will forget that he loves her. She knows 100% and that makes me the happiest Mommy. We can definitely handle this, even though we all miss each other terribly.
Marley and I have moved out of house, traveled to Texas, seen friends and family, played outside, gotten a puppy, worked out, gone to doctor's appointments, and taken really good care of each other. And Asa has been busy most of the time also. He has traveled many places, taken classes, built things for their barracks, gone on his first mission, and whatever the heck else they are doing every day. Will we survive 11ish more months of this? Oh, I know we will. But I really feel like this last month was easy compared to what's ahead of us.
We have gotten to send him two packages already. Marley and I love picking things out for him and finding his favorite snacks at the grocery store. I love that it gives us something to get excited about. He knows most of what will be coming in his packages, but we also have a blast throwing some surprises in. Emily V. helped us make his some homemade cookies, and then we vacuum sealed them to hopefully keep them fresh. We made a lot of cookies, and when I talked to Asa last I mentioned that he might want to share them. His response? Heck no, he is not sharing! It is crazy to me that we are putting things in his box that we made or we picked out just for him, and in a few weeks, half a world away, he will open that box and pull out each thing. He will know how much we love him from each thing we put in the box, and he will get to see the pictures that Marley made just for him. It makes me so happy to think about how special it will be for him to get all those things.
Marley has been doing great so far with everything. She misses him so much, and she tells me that all the time. She will say that she loves him, she misses him, she wants to play with him, and she wants to hug him. It breaks my heart to hear her and try to figure out exactly what to say back to her. But it also shows me that she loves him tremendously, and it makes me so happy that she still thinks about him so often even though he is not here. We talk about him constantly. We look at pictures of him and talk about silly things he says or does.
She gets a present from Daddy every week, and it makes her day. It's usually something small like some new crayons or some Dora snack plates, but she lights up when she sees a note from him and gets to show off her presents to everyone she sees. Her gifts are always sitting somewhere in the house waiting for her to wake up in the mornings. (Just to clarify, I have been getting to gifts and writing the notes, but she doesn't know all that of course.) He outdid himself this past week though and ordered her a tricycle online and had it shipped here! I was even surprised by that one!
She also has three Daddy books that she loves to read at night. We bought two recordable books from Hallmark and he recorded his voice reading them to her. She knows exactly what's going to happen when I open the book, but as soon as she hears his voice she turns to me and smiles. She loves to hear her Daddy read them to her. And we also get the added benefit of the baby hearing his voice every night also. The third book is a book Called "A Paper Hug" that she got from her Grandma and Pappy two Christmases ago. She loves that book also and I think it really helps her understand everything better.
She is so proud of her Daddy, and he is so proud of her. I never have to worry that she will forget that he loves her. She knows 100% and that makes me the happiest Mommy. We can definitely handle this, even though we all miss each other terribly.
Pedicures, Presents, and Pink
Marley got her first professional pedicure today! She was not super excited to have a stranger touching her toes, but I bet she feels like it was totally worth it now! She loves them, and literally can't stop talking about them! While I was giving her a bath, she would catch a glimpse of them and say, "Look! My toes!" or "They are so pweeeeetty!"
Mimi Two arrived this morning, and of course she brought Marley some presents! A few days ago Mimi Two asked Marley what she wanted, and Marley requested a giraffe. I later told Marley that she might not be able to find a giraffe, so maybe she would bring a cute outfit instead! In true Mimi fashion, she brought two dresses, two books, and a two foot tall giraffe! Go Mimi Two! So, Marley modeled one of her new dresses in the backyard for us. Can you believe her posing skills? She has been watching her Aunt Deedee a little too much!
Tonight she had on a pink dress, pink flip flops with pink toenails, and ate pink ice cream for dessert. Can anyone guess what Marley's favorite color is?
Mimi Two arrived this morning, and of course she brought Marley some presents! A few days ago Mimi Two asked Marley what she wanted, and Marley requested a giraffe. I later told Marley that she might not be able to find a giraffe, so maybe she would bring a cute outfit instead! In true Mimi fashion, she brought two dresses, two books, and a two foot tall giraffe! Go Mimi Two! So, Marley modeled one of her new dresses in the backyard for us. Can you believe her posing skills? She has been watching her Aunt Deedee a little too much!
Tonight she had on a pink dress, pink flip flops with pink toenails, and ate pink ice cream for dessert. Can anyone guess what Marley's favorite color is?
Friday, March 18, 2011
Marley's Words, Part Three
Marley: "I was really lookin' for you, Mimi."
Mimi: "Oh, well I just went to the potty."
Marley: "You pooped in yo pants?"
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Getting in the car to go Walmart, Marley says to me, "Mommy, this could be our best trip ever!"
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She has gotten so good at identifying Redbud and Dogwood trees. It's her new favorite car activity to point out every one she sees. "Dere's anudder Redbud twee!" "Dere's anudder Dogwood twee!"
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And my personal favorite, something she says about 5 times a day: "I really love Daddy."
Mimi: "Oh, well I just went to the potty."
Marley: "You pooped in yo pants?"
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Getting in the car to go Walmart, Marley says to me, "Mommy, this could be our best trip ever!"
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She has gotten so good at identifying Redbud and Dogwood trees. It's her new favorite car activity to point out every one she sees. "Dere's anudder Redbud twee!" "Dere's anudder Dogwood twee!"
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And my personal favorite, something she says about 5 times a day: "I really love Daddy."
Outside Activities
Marley and I are still loving the warm weather. Yesterday, it got up to 80 degrees! She has been practicing her balance beam skills (we start gymnastics classes later this month!), loves to play golf in the backyard, and asks to swing about 10 times a day.
She is so much better at the balance beam than I thought she would be! We helped her do it at first, but she can do it all by herself now!
She also loves to collect sticks for Henry. She finds big long sticks, and then folds them in half a few times and hands them to Henry. He happily chews on them until 30 seconds later when Marley has a new one for him. But Marley takes this job very seriously. If Henry goes for a stick that is not one that Marley chose for him, she will get so upset that the tears start!
I justed asked Marley what she likes to do outside and she said, "I also like to eat pizza and ice cream." So, there you go. I don't know the last time we ate those things outside, but evidently she's looking forward to it!
She is so much better at the balance beam than I thought she would be! We helped her do it at first, but she can do it all by herself now!
She also loves to collect sticks for Henry. She finds big long sticks, and then folds them in half a few times and hands them to Henry. He happily chews on them until 30 seconds later when Marley has a new one for him. But Marley takes this job very seriously. If Henry goes for a stick that is not one that Marley chose for him, she will get so upset that the tears start!
I justed asked Marley what she likes to do outside and she said, "I also like to eat pizza and ice cream." So, there you go. I don't know the last time we ate those things outside, but evidently she's looking forward to it!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
His Little Hippie Girl
We can finally wear short sleeves, skirts, and dresses now that we're in some warm weather! So, I put Marley in a dress she hasn't gotten to wear before, and she looked adorable. Her Daddy bought her this dress, and she didn't let anyone forget it the entire day. 
And it's totally a dress that he would pick out! Rather than lace and pink and bows, he dresses her like his little hippie girl.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The Newest Member of the Family
Meet Henry!
He's so adorable and lovable! Unfortunately, Marley doesn't really feel the same... she really like him at first, but for some reason she is really scared when he comes anywhere near her now. But, I am really hoping that she gets more comfortable soon and they can be BFFs!
He's so adorable and lovable! Unfortunately, Marley doesn't really feel the same... she really like him at first, but for some reason she is really scared when he comes anywhere near her now. But, I am really hoping that she gets more comfortable soon and they can be BFFs!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Marley's Words, Part 2
My mom and I were talking about all our favorite things to eat when we were pregnant. I told Marley about how all I wanted to eat when I was pregnant with her was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a big glass of milk. When my mom was pregnant with me, she ate fruit all day long, and with my sister she ate chicken caesar salads from La Madeleine every day.
Marley added, "When I'm pregent, I can eat fruit and apples and pizza and cupcakes and apples."
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Marley: (Talking on her pretend phone) "Ok, I love you. Bye."
Me: "Who are you talking to?"
Marley: "Bolta!"
Me: "Bolta? Oh, I've never heard you tell him you love him! Do you love him?"
Marley: "No, because he's in high school!"
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At least three times a day: "Mommy, I really love my brother or sister."
Marley added, "When I'm pregent, I can eat fruit and apples and pizza and cupcakes and apples."
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Marley: (Talking on her pretend phone) "Ok, I love you. Bye."
Me: "Who are you talking to?"
Marley: "Bolta!"
Me: "Bolta? Oh, I've never heard you tell him you love him! Do you love him?"
Marley: "No, because he's in high school!"
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At least three times a day: "Mommy, I really love my brother or sister."
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Spring Picnics
Today, Marley and I had our own little picnic in the backyard. She LOVED it and she wants to have one for every meal forever! 
And a huge benefit? The fact that she actually ate! That's not the easiest thing to get her to do usually, so I was quite impressed that a quilt and some sun will put her in the mood to gobble down her lunch!
And it's always nice to eat with a little girl who keeps you entertained with her great mood and cute faces!
How much does she look like her Daddy these days?!
We will definitely be having more picnics this spring, and loving every minute of them!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Spring is good
We are loving being outside! Swinging, blowing bubbles, taking wagon rides, and gathering leaves have been some of our favorite ways to pass the time. 
Oh, the sun feels so glorious!
Oh, the sun feels so glorious!
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