17 Months

It's hard to even comprehend how old she is. I know 17 months isn't old, but it's way older than two months. Or even six months. She is such a little lady now, with a big personality, but a small one at the same time. She is an amazing little person, for all the changes we have been putting her through, and I couldn't be more proud of her. She's a champ.

One of the problems I am facing lately is that I'm torn. On one hand I want time to hurry up so that Asa will be home with us. Even if that doesn't mean here in Nacogdoches, it just means that we will be together as a family. I have a countdown going for how many more weeks until he graduates and I say in my letters that I can't wait for him to be done. I tell Marley he will be home "soon" and I feel like if only time would go a little faster we could be settled again.

But on the other hand, I look at Marley and I wish time would slow down. She grows up so much every day and I constantly wonder if I did enough, enjoyed it enough, hugged her enough. I want time to go by a little slower so that I can savor every moment a little longer. When I think about what will happen in the next few years, I realize we will be busy and in new places and our days will go much more quickly than we want them to. With everything going on, how will we remember to slow down and watch Marley grow? It's overwhelming to think about.

She changes so much every day. She is starting to talk now and have an attitude and tell us exactly what she wants. I can tell exactly how she feels about something and our days are changing from me entertaining her, to her entertaining me. She makes me laugh more than anyone else does and her smile in the morning makes every day good.

I guess we just do the very best we can. Looking at her, I know we have done a great job raising her so far and I know she will be one hell of an adult one day. She will make us so proud of her and I will look back on this time with such great memories, even if it goes more quickly than I want.

Getting into talking

Ever since we started signing with her, people have been asking why she isn't talking yet. I was never worried, I have always felt 100% good about our decision to sign with her. I have heard that signing babies might take a little longer to start talking since they can tell the adults exactly what they want with signs. But, signing babies usually have a much bigger vocabulary once they do start talking because they already recognize the words.

Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised on Thursday when, all of the sudden, she wants to talk! She has started saying Mama, Dada, and Papa on a regular basis. She also says something that sounds a lot like "there it is" and "thank you". I am trying to get her to say Mimi, but her version comes out as "ee" or "bee"... so we still need to work on that one. But I'm so excited about what she can do! Her little voice is so sweet, and I especially love hearing her ask for me. She talks about Asa way more though. She misses him. Every time we see something camo, "Dada!" Every time we pass by the refrigerator with his picture on it, "Dada!" And every time we see her new Daddy Doll, "Dada!"

I am still going to teach her new signs, mainly because there isn't any reason not to. They make her smarter! Her new favorites are: please, fish, up, airplane, deer, lion, and tiger.

Send him some mail!

So, erase whatever you had written down from my previous posts as Asa's address. Here is the real one, that is written just the way you should write it.

PV2 Vermeulen
3rd PLT SAINTS
A CO., 35th ENGR BN
Fort Leonard Wood, Mo 65473

While Asa was home, he asked me to make a How To video and post it here for anyone who is confused. So, I hope this helps!

Untitled from Jillian Shaw on Vimeo.

Saying Goodbye, for now

We had to get up pretty early to make it to the airport in time for Asa's flight home. We packed up the car and got Marley ready to go, as Asa said goodbye to everything in the house and made sure he had everything he needed. He started out driving, but quickly got tired and I had to drive the rest of the way while he slept. Surprisingly, Marley didn't sleep at all. She really wanted to, but the sun was in her eyes and she just couldn't relax. So, it took about 20 plays of "Single Ladies" for Emily to keep her content in the back seat.
I just don't think it really hit me at all that day. If it had, I would have been way more emotional when we were doing things like getting out of the car at the airport or walking as a family into the airport. I had read on an Army website that sometimes they will allow families of soldiers to come through security and go all the way back to the gate to see them leave. But with everything that had happened recently with airport security, we didn't know if it still applied. We had to wait in a line for about 45 minutes to get his ticket. The lady at the Southwest counter was so sweet and she gave us a pass for me, Emily, and Marley to go to the gate with him. As we walked to the security line with everyone else, one of the security guards pulled open the rope for the Special People line and let us through! So, that saved a lot of time and patience!

We decided to stop for lunch at this point and found a nice burger place to eat. Marley figured out she likes ketchup and ate it by the fork-full. We finished our lunch and the waiter brought us our ticket. As Emily was getting out the cash to pay for lunch, our waiter came back and said "The gentleman at table 101 would like to pay for your lunch!" We have never had anything like that happen before, we were completely stunned! It is things like that that get me really emotional about the Army. That guy didn't know if Asa had been to war yet or that he just joined the Army two months ago. It didn't matter to him, because just the fact that Asa joined the Army was enough for him to be thankful for Asa and show how important he thinks every member of the military is. It meant a lot to me, and I could tell Asa was just gleaming. He knows I am proud of him, but for a complete stranger to be proud of him is something he had never felt before. And I could tell it made him a little more proud of himself.

At this point, Marley's mood started to decline. We found the gate and sat there for a while trying to make her happy but we finally had to walk laps with her until she fell asleep. She passed out on my shoulder and she was able to take a 20 minute nap before something woke her up. I hoped that the short nap would make a difference in her mood, but it did not. I tried everything to get her to go back to sleep because Asa's flight was delayed and we had a while to wait. But she wouldn't go back to sleep. Emily took her on errands and we played more Beyonce videos for her, but we finally reached the point where there wasn't anything we could do. We just needed to get her in the car and on the way home so she could go to sleep.So, we gathered our things and Asa walked us to the turn to leave the airport. We walked as slowly as we could, trying to savor those last moments together before we left. We walked through the Discovery Channel store and looked at all of the Life is Good products they sell.
But then it was time to go, as we realized it was actually much later than we thought and Asa's plane would be boarding soon.But Marley just couldn't get past the bad mood. I knew it wasn't her fault and she didn't understand that this was her last chance to see her Daddy for a long time. But it still broke my heart that she was in such a miserable mood. We really couldn't find anything that made her happy. All Asa wanted was a kiss and a hug from her, but she would even cooperate for that. It still makes me sad. But he knows she loves him and that any other time she would have done it. So hopefully he remembers those times when he thinks about her!

I hugged and kissed him goodbye and then we all walked away at the same sad time. As we walked toward the security area, there was a small opening that everyone has to go through. There are signs posted on each side that say "This is the point of no return." For some reason that was so heart-breakingly serious for me, that I just fell apart right there. I walked though it without pausing, but it hurt.

Who knows when we will see him again. It could be graduation at the beginning of April or if we get lucky and he has a weekend pass at some point, then we could fly up to Missouri and see him then. But either way, it will be a long, difficult wait in which we miss him every day.

Our Last Date

Tonight, Asa, Marley, and I spent our last evening together. Even though Marley was with us, it was still a date. We got all dressed up and had a great meal at the most expensive place in town: the Hibachi grill. Asa had made a list of the things he wanted to do when he got home, and this was one of the things on the list. He said all of the guys in his bay agreed they would all eat at the most expensive restaurant in town while they were home.
Marley was STARVING, so she couldn't stop signing "eat" while we were waiting for the Hibachi man to get there.
We go to Benihana's in Houston all the time with my grandparents, but there are always tons of people there. In Nacogdoches, there aren't a lot of people who come to this restaurant. So, literally, we were the only people there. I would have been scared that we were about to get poisoned, but we had eaten there before and knew it was good. I felt really awkward because I didn't know if they were going to wait until more people came, or if we were going to be the only people there. Either way would have been awkward, but they decided to just cook for us as a party of three.
The poor guy is used to having a big group to perform for, so we were probably pretty boring to him. But, he was excited that Marley loved his food! She ate scrambled eggs and fried rice, and then started to steal food off of our plates!
After dinner, we stopped to get ice cream on our way out to shoot off fireworks. Marley fell asleep in the car on the way there (she has taken at least two naps every day recently!), so she was rested and ready. We got all the fireworks laid out, gathered wood for a fire, and got all dressed in our hats, jackets, and gloves. And then Asa realized he forgot a lighter! We practically turned the car over looking for one before Asa called his friend Bradley who lived nearby and asked him to bring us one. We waited in the warm car for him to get there, while Marley pretended to drive and we figured out Marley's new favorite food group: jelly beans.
Marley actually loved the fireworks. She and I ended up staying in the car to avoid the cold, so she sat with her face against the glass watching them light up and signing "more please" when they went out!
Due to Marley's nap on the out to light fireworks, she was energized and ready to play when we got home. She and Asa sat on the bed playing while I put clothes away. And they had a great time. Marley was laughing the hardest I have ever heard her laugh, while Asa blew her shapes into the air. She was having so much fun, and it was a great memory for Asa to keep with him.
Marley has not been sleeping well lately. She has had a slight fever and she's getting four molars and life has just been busy in general, so I haven't been worrying about it too much. But she wakes up about an hour after I put her to sleep, and then an hour after that again. She woke up once right as we were getting ready for bed, so Asa went and got her and held her until I got done. Much to our surprise, she actually fell asleep with him! It was so sweet how proud he was and they looked so adorable together. He told me he could only stay there for a minute because he needed to get ready for bed, but he ended up passing out with her.
It was an emotional night, as we were constantly reminded this was our last night together. It could be three and a half months before we see each other again. A lot will change with Marley in three months, and I really really hope she will snuggle with him like normal when she sees him again.

Getting Outside

It has been so cold here! Well, compared to the weather Asa is used to in Missouri the weather here has been great. But for me and Marley, it is cold! So, we have been spending a lot of time indoors. But, today we needed to get out of the house. It was our last day with Asa, so we ran a few errands we needed to get done, and then after Marley woke up from her nap we set out to the nearby trails so Asa could put out a geocache. Marley had a great time riding around in her new stroller and running after us. Asa ended up having to come back later to put out the cache, but we had fun walking around together. I think I am going to start exercising there, because the trails are so nice!