She wasn't allowed to nurse after midnight this morning. That really started things out on the wrong foot. So, at 11:50 I nursed her and that held her over until 2:15 am. At that point we tried everything we could think of to get her to sleep: paci, walking, rocking, driving, water, singing, and TV. Nothing worked, until I sat in bed having given up. She sat there for a second whimpering and then plopped her head next to mine and passed out. That was at 5 am. The alarm went off at 5:45. Asa and I got up and took a shower while Marley continued to sleep. She actually sat up for a second and then plopped her head down over her legs and slept like that, folded in half. I tried to wake her up a few times, but she would. Even when I put her in the car seat, she continued to sleep. So, she slept in the car with Asa while I filled out all the paper work, and didn't walk in the door until the nurse was calling us back.
They had an adorable little baby hospital gown that they had me put on her. We took all of these pictures with our phones. I wanted to bring the camera, but I didn't want to have to worry about keeping up with it. She was in a pretty good mood, smiling at the nurses that came and talked to us and flirting with the anesthesiologist. It made me feel guilty that she was in a good mood, since she had no idea what was coming. They told us about the procedure and said that I couldn't go back with her at all. They would do the procedure, the doctor would come get me and tell me how it went, and then I would wait in the consultation room until she woke up and a nurse would come get us to see her. She got fussy having to wait, and then Yvonne came in to get her. Yvonne reached out her arms for Marley to come to her, and surprisingly, she willingly did. And then they were gone. There was no kiss or goodbye, which is good because she probably would have started crying. But, I was a little sad.
We sat in the lobby, waiting. Jenna and Cory were there for us, to keep us company. It meant a lot to me that they were there, and they really do love Marley. Having them there helped because I wasn't so stressed out the whole time. If it had been Asa and I alone, we would have just sat there thinking about it. I was thinking about it, but I wasn't obsessing about it. And before I knew it, the doctor came out and took us to the consultation room. He told us that it had gone wonderfully and she had gone "right to sleep". I don't know if that meant she didn't cry, but I didn't ask. I figured it wasn't really something I needed to obsess about if she had.
So, he left and we were stuck in the room waiting for a nurse to come get us. Then I heard her. She was screaming the most upset, sad cry I have ever heard. I left the room and stood in the hallway for a second. No one was coming to get me. So, I walked slowly toward her cries. Still no one was coming. I was about halfway down the hallway before the nurse came to me and said "Ok, she's mad now." I was thinking, Yea she has no idea who you people are! When we got to her, a nurse was holding her but she reached for me. There were several nurses talking about her and the anesthesiologist was taking some notes. I asked if I could nurse her and they didn't really answer me. The anesthesiologist heard my request and began to close the curtains for privacy. The nurse gave us an oxygen tube to hold to her face and they stuck a little pad on her big toe to measure her oxygen levels.
Nursing didn't go very smoothly. She was still very upset and couldn't figure out how to suck correctly with her tongue in a new place. So, she pretty much just sat there, whimpering. It was so sad that we could not calm her down. Her mouth was filling with blood when she cried and she had dark circles under her eyes. She looked sick, like something was really wrong with her. But the nurses and doctor said she was okay. The anesthesiologist had said that for the first couple of hours after being put to sleep she would be very cranky. He said that her senses would be trying to get back to normal and children do not like that feeling. I imagine she had a head ache, too. So, she cried and cried. We had about 8 square feet to stand in, plus a bed and chair. Asa tried to keep her happy with the frog that Jenna and Cory had brought for her, and I tried to keep myself from crying while looking at her.
After about 20 minutes, the nurse came and removed the oxygen thing from her big toe. And an amazing thing happened. No. More. Tears. For the rest of the time we were there, she did not cry. I knew this girl didn't like shoes, but I did not seriously think that the band aid size oxygen reader could cause that much drama. But apparently, Marley likes to keep us guessing.
By 8:30, we were home and Marley was very ready for a nap. But, she wasn't going to make it easy. She couldn't really nurse, she didn't want to suck on her paci, and she didn't want to eat anything. I tried to put her to sleep for about 45 minutes, then asked Asa to try. She went to sleep with him after a few minutes of crying and then we took a family nap together.
She woke up in a good mood, out of the anesthesia fog. She laughed and walked and played like everything was normal. But around 2, the Tylenol from the hospital had worn off and she began to go downhill. Asa had gone to his mom's, where there is no cell phone service, and he had the Tylenol in his car. I tried everything I could to help her. Giving her a bowl of ice cream helped temporarily, but she was soon back to crying. Anything that touched her mouth made her cry. I tried forever to put her to sleep, but she fought me constantly. I gave up and sat in the rocking chair with her to watch Barefoot Contessa. And guess what happened.
Poor baby. At 5:30, I finally got a hold of Asa and told him he needed to come home. Immediately after the Tylenol was administered and she had some ice cream therapy with Asa, she was normal. She was happy and playing and laughing, much to my relief.
She was relatively easy to put to sleep, and even did it without the pacifier. She was able to nurse this evening, but it does feel different. She can't suck nearly as hard, and now has a fascination with biting me. I have no idea why, except that maybe she likes the way the pressure feels on her sore mouth.
She should be getting better very soon. It will only take a few days for the stitches to dissolve and I am hoping that tomorrow will be great as long as we keep the Tylenol handy. I do feel a little silly for how stressed out I was about the surgery, but I guess I have to worry. I'm her Mama.
Marley and I went to the park this morning. She fell asleep on the way there, so I didn't figure she would last very long. but she had fun for the fifteen minutes that we were there. She was very cautious, which is normal for Marley. She really just looked around, and watched all the big kids. She did try to after them at one point, but fell to the ground. It made me a little sad for her, she just wanted a friend! But she perked up after a little while and got a little more daring.
She enjoyed the swings, but when I was tired of pushing her, she was mad. So, it was time to go.
Then, at Walmart last Thursday with my mom, she also grew up a little. She was being so fussy and whiny in the cart, so I held her for a little while. But while I was holding her, she was crying to wiggle out of my arms. So, I put her on the ground. But since this is Marley we're talking about, she was barefoot or course. So, i went around the corner and got her a pair of shoes and put them on her. For the first time, she did not scream! She was so happy to be independent and walking around with us, that she didn't even notice the shoes! So, she walked below us, holding on to the basket and helping us push. She was so happy!
I am so excited for what is coming, I just cry thinking about every thing that is gone now. I have such a terrible memory (one of the reasons for this blog) and I am just so scared that I will forget what it feels like to hold her like this. I don't want to forget what it feels like when she wallows in my neck when she's tired, or how she clings to my arm when I try to put her down. I don't want to forget her wet, open-mouth kisses and how they can make me smile no matter what kind of mood I am in. I love that if I pretend I am sad, she looks very concerned and wants to hug me immediately. I know that none of that will magically change tomorrow, but it will eventually. It literally makes my stomach hurt and it makes me worry if we have done everything the best we can. She is obviously healthy and happy and beautiful, so that comforts me. But I will miss Baby Marley. 
