For some reason, mothers are always judging each other. I think we have all had it happen at some point.
"She's not sleeping through the night yet?!"
"Isn't he too old for a pacifier?"
"She's never going to learn to sleep unless you leave her in there to cry!"
"Wow, are you ever going to stop breast feeding?"
"Shouldn't he be walking by now?"
Most mothers are in constant competition. They want reassurance that their way is the right way to do it, that they were more successful than you at that certain task. The problem is, especially for first time mothers as I was, this can have a damaging effect on a woman's confidence as a mother. I was constantly feeling like I had done something wrong. That's why she didn't sleep through the night, doesn't eat vegetables, used a pacifier, and didn't start talking for so long. It's so easy to get sucked into this drama filled arena where mothers are trying to justify their own decisions by making you feel like you need to be like them.
As time went by and Marley got older, my confidence in my mothering abilities grew. I have gradually tried to remind myself that Marley will reach certain milestones when she reaches them. There have been times when I sat next to her and wondered if she would ever be able to sleep through the night or if she would ever want to stop nursing. But I constantly reminded myself that her time would come. She would one day sleep through the night and I would one day be able to sleep in a bed that she wasn't in. It's hard to remember in the middle of it, when we're both tired and all I want is for her to go sleep. But now? I don't even remember most of the drama. Those memories have left my head and I now remember sweet moments cuddling in bed with her and nursing her to sleep.
I guess the point of my post is that we all do things differently. We can't judge each other for the decisions we make for our own children in our own homes. And my hope is that new mothers can feel confident in their decisions for their children. There is not one right answer for everyone. It sure we be easier if there was, but there just isn't. Every baby is different and every mother is different. Even if two mothers did the exact same things for the first six months of their babies lives, their babies will turn out differently. Whether our babies sleep in your bed or in a crib, whether you are nursing or feeding them through a bottle, and whether your baby is wearing disposable diapers or cloth, it doesn't matter. As long as you and your baby are happy with your decisions, that's all that you should worry about!
I hope that any of my readers will feel welcome to talk to me about anything they worry about. Whether we parent the same or differently, I am happy to be a friend to anyone willing to be mine! Let's break the mama drama cycle!
2 comments:
As a mother of a six month old, I totally agree! It also helps that my sister, Abigail, is also a first time mother and we can talk to each other with no judgment. Our babies are different but perfect in their own ways! I have always enjoyed Marley's adventures and I look forward to years of more stories.
Speaking as Jillian's stepdad, I have had a ringside seat to much of the adventures to date of the Vermeulens. Of course every old head who has raised children finds some fault with the kiddoes raising of their own. But after two and a half years of observing Jillian and Asa's parenting there's not one thing I can think of that they should have done differently. In fact, I wish every young child could experience the same love, attention, and parenting that Marley has had to date. She is one lucky girl; and I am one lucky papa to have such a loving bright engaging little personality climb into my lap looking for hugs.
Joel/Papa
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