23 Months

Oh my gosh. In only one month, Marley will be two years old! That fact is riddled with happiness and sadness at the same time. I'm sure most mothers have that feeling and those debates going on in their heads as their children grow up. On one hand, I want to lie next to her in bed and cry because she is getting so big and I will never have those moments back that we used to have. But on the other hand, I want to hug her and take her out to celebrate the fact that she is getting so big. That means new activities, new things to learn, and new chances to make her life wonderful.

There are several new things happening this month that I have not had the chance to write about yet. First of all, she is learning her colors! I remember one day, telling Asa that I didn't know if there was anything else I could teach her since she pretty much refuses to say new words. And then the next day she said yellow, green, and purple! So, now she has down those three colors, along with blue. She messes up sometimes, but I know she knows them! And the way she says them couldn't be any cuter!

We also bought her a baby doll a few weeks ago, along with a car seat for it. When we picked it out, she insisted on carrying it around like a real Mommy all through Walmart. It was so adorable! She held her baby as she looked through dresses and picked out toys. And she hasn't forgotten her baby since that day! She takes naps with her, goes to sleep with her, runs errands with us, and even needs her diaper changed sometimes! If she has forgotten where she left her, Marley runs through the house screaming "BEBE? BEBE?" She is also very particular about where she sleeps in the bed, making sure she has the covers on, and that we all kiss the baby before she goes to sleep. A few days ago, Baby was laying on the floor sleeping in her car seat with an ant crawling on her head! Marley was distraught, and without even thinking I kicked the car seat over to get the ant off. Marley got so upset, she was in tears! I apologized and tried to fix it. Hopefully Marley has forgiven me.

We also started cloth diapering this month! Ever since I can remember, Marley's bum has been very picky about what goes on it. Only Pampers brand diapers would do. Any other brand would give her a bad diaper rash. I can't even think about how much money we have wasted trying to buy less expensive diapers in hopes that they would work. My mom said that the only brand I could ever use was Luvs, so I was determined that Marley could use those but she couldn't. So, in May Pampers started giving her a rash as well! I tried to change her more often or pay more attention to what she ate, but nothing seemed to make a difference. So, I bought a few cloth diapers to try it out. I think everyone though I was crazy at first, including Asa. But now that we have gotten used to using them, I love them! They look adorable, they are easy to clean, they will end up saving us money, and they are even helping Marley learn her colors!

Marley is developing such a strong personality. She has mastered the "evil eye" and loves to show her annoyance by saying our names in a low, drawn-out tone. She is constantly testing us, something that just comes with this age I guess. I ask her to do one thing, and she just flat out tells me no. It is hard sometimes to have patience when I am trying to get out the door or really need her to help me with something. I just have to keep reminding myself to be understanding and remember that just because she acts so much older sometimes does not mean that she is! She is getting very friendly with other kids we see. At the park, she tells the children "hello" and waves to them. And at the splash park in the baby pool the other day, a three year old little girl came up to her and taught her how to swim around on her hands while kicking her feet. It was amazing to watch Marley learn from the little girl, and want to do everything she could do. I can't wait for her to have a sibling that she can play with and be friends with!

One of the hardest things this month is that I am trying to night-wean Marley. If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know that Marley is still not sleeping through the night. Every once in a while, she will sleep until 5 or so in the morning, but then will not go back to sleep without nursing. Well, for a plethora of reasons, I have decided that it is time for all of us to be able to sleep through the night. This is another decision that stresses me out. I don't want her to not know how to sleep or continue waking up all night, but at the same time I wonder if she's ready. It is so much harder than I thought it would be, and it breaks my heart to do it. When she is crying for me, I wonder if I am doing the right thing. She got 23 months of nursing whenever she wanted, and I feel so lucky and proud that I was able to do that for her. But this part is very hard. And I will admit, I cried for a long time last night feeling like I couldn't handle it and it would never work. But it got easier every time she woke up last night, and I have hope that one day soon we will all be sleeping through the night. I know that it is the best thing for all of us, it's just hard to remember when we are in the middle of it.

I still can't believe she is almost 2. I remember last year at this time, feeling like 2 years old was forever away. Hopefully we can have a fantastic 2nd birthday for her, whether we are in Missouri or in Nacogdoches. And I hope that one day I can look back on this and be happy with the way we handled everything: her attitude, night-weaning, and eating. I struggle with these things now, but I know she is a happy girl, with so many people that love her and that makes all the worries fade away.