Life Right Now

Vivi had her two month doctor's appointment on Wednesday. She weighs 12 pounds, 11 ounces and is 24.5 inches long! 90% percentile right there! Someone is eating well! She had to get her first set of serious shots. She cried, of course. For a long time. And she pretty much hasn't been the same since. She slept the entire day after the appointment and had a slight fever, and then hasn't gotten back to the normal routine since. At her one month appointment, she doctor told us that she had a slight heart murmur and a hip click. I was supposed to go get an x-ray done on her hip, but I failed to do that in our busy month. But it turns out that both things are gone now and she is a totally healthy little baby!
Vivi has two extremes. She is either terribly upset or happy and smiling. So, of course, I love and soak up the happy times. She definitely smiles more than Marley did when she was this age. We barely have to do anything to make Vivi smile when she is in a decent mood. I feel like we had to try really hard to make Marley smile when she was this age. Unfortunately, she is still a little fussy. But I'm figuring her out and lessening her crying every day.

Marley is doing pretty well. She is loving school and being outside and learning. She is always asking me to do her workbooks with her. I am so glad she loves to learn new things! She is getting so great at writing her letters. She can write some of them all by herself! It's really hard for me to remember sometimes that I have to be Mommy and Daddy right now. When he's here, Asa is the fun one. He keeps her laughing all day. I have to keep reminding myself to be that way for her. I can't replace him, but I hope I can make her happy like he does.
Being the mommy to two kids is so hard. I love our girls and I am so thankful for them. But I have a continuous feeling of guilt about everything. When I'm nursing Vivi, I feel guilty that I can't play with Marley. When I'm making Marley's lunch and Vivi is sitting alone whining in her swing, I feel guilty that I can't hold her. I have so many times every day when I just want to be able to be alone with one of them so that I can give them all of my attention for a little while.
Vivi hasn't wanted to be put down since her doctor's appointment on Wednesday. I get her to sleep, lay her down in bed, and she is immediately awake and we have to do it all over again. I keep promising Marley that we will be able to do something when Vivi takes a nap. We plan to paint her nails, do art projects, make muffins. And then we have to change or cancel our plans. It breaks my heart to disappoint her so much every day. I know Marley behaves so much better when I can spend some time focusing on her. And I know she misses our time together. I want to be able to give that to her. It's so hard to balance my time and make every one happy.

I will say that the absolute best thing we bought before Vivi came was the Ergo. I use that thing every single day, whether it's so that I can play with Marley or get chores done. I can't even imagine how much worse I would be feeling without it.

(Best picture I could get with these girls!)

But, don't get me wrong. I am also having a blast with our girls. I couldn't be happier when I watch them together and I can tell how much they love each other. Vivi smiles at Marley when she sees her and was so close to laughing at her tonight. That would be amazing, for Vivi's first laugh to be for her sister. Marley deserves it. She is such an amazing, loving big sister.

Wedding Planning

Today while I was walking with the girls, Marley and I planned her wedding. We started talking about it because she said she wants to be a big girl like me. I told her that one day she would get married and have a little boy or girl just like me.

So she told me she that Daddy is going to marry her. I tried to explain that he was already married, but she responded, "Well, he can get mawwied again!"

She wants a pink dress with flowers. There will be dancing and cake. Lots of cake. When I asked her what she wanted to eat, she said cake. I asked what she wanted to eat for dinner before the cake and she said, "Mommy, I want to have caaaaaaake for dinner because it's my wedding!"

After a little convincing that we really needed to feed her wedding guests, she decided on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, goldfish, and clementines. Her favorites.

It should be an interesting wedding!

Happy Two Months, Vivi!

Vivienne turned two months old yesterday! I weighed her today on our home scale and she alreayd weighs about 13 pounds! That's in the 90% percentile! But I didn't expect anything less from my baby who nurses every hour! I really forget sometimes how young she is. She acts like a 4 month old to me, the way she holds her head and body up and the way she controls herself. She is so strong and big. I feel like she is growing up way too fast!

Her fussiness seems to be much better on some days, but then worse on other days. Today, she was a very happy baby! I got smiles practically every time I looked at her! Also, she drools like crazy. I have to change her onesie several times a day just because of the drool! It has to be too early for teething, right? Marley wasn't teething until she was 7 months old!
She sleeps so well at night. Every night it gets a little bit easier to put her to sleep. And now she sleeps from about 9:30 at night until 4:30 or even 6:00 in the morning! It really confirms for me that I wasn't doing anything wrong with Marley to make her not sleep through the night until she was two years old. I am doing the exact same things with Vivi and she is sleeping like a champ! Her sleeping during the day is a little less predictable and a little harder to schedule around. Monday, she slept for about six hours during the day. Tuesday, she slept for about 20 minutes total. Today, she took three different naps and ended up being asleep for about 4 hours. So, hopefully we can encourage a little bit more regular schedule. Her second month was so busy! She got to meet her Daddy, travel all over Texas, and meet many other family members and friends for the first time. I loved watching her with Asa. She really got to know him and trust him. She cuddled with him, fell asleep in his arms, and even smiled at him less than 24 hours from meeting him! I am going to do everything I can to keep her knowing him for the next 6 months. It breaks my heart that he is missing this part of her life, but I really have a feeling they will be great friends when he gets back. Asa loves his girls. He will be busy with two Daddy's Girls when he gets back!Marley is being such a fabulous sister. She constantly wants to be with her. When Vivi wakes up, she is immediately next to her telling her hello. She wants to hold her hands while I change her diaper. She keeps track what's happening in her diaper. Today was the first day that I caught them genuinely smiling at each other. It was the sweetest moment. Our girls really love each other and they will the best of friends! I can't wait to see them playing together in a few months. And I can't wait to hear Vivi laughing at Marley being a goof ball!

Marley Starts School

Marley went to her first day of preschool last Thursday. She was so excited to go. She knew that she was going to start after Daddy went back to work, so it gave her something to look forward to after he left.

We got her backpack filled with a change of clothes and a snack... I had no idea what else to send her with! And of course, I had to get a picture of our girl before her first day! She and the princesses are ready to learn!

When I dropped her off that first day, she ran right into the room and told me goodbye from her first activity. I was surprised that I didn't cry. If she had been upset or not ready to go, I probably would have cried. But she was so happy and so ready!

When I picked her up, she had tears in her eyes. The teacher told me that she had started crying during clean-up because she didn't want to leave! I was so happy that she had so much fun!

Her report of the day:
She played blocks.
She didn't get to play on the "What's that black thing called?" (a computer) but she will next time.
She bonked someone in the head while they were running.
She waited in line at the playground.
She listened to her teacher.
She got to eat a cookie, but she had to throw the other one away. (Reason unknown...)
She didn't have the picture she needed for show-and-tell. (School mom fail #1)
She's "so sited" to go back.

She only goes on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, so she has been counting down the days until she got to go back today.

Today she reported that she was the door holder.
She was ecstatic about this position! She told me that she got to hold the door for the other kids while they went in and out of the classroom and when they went outside. I am so proud of our little door holder. She is probably the best one ever!

Her other reports from today:
She still did not get to use the computer this time either.
She made a picture. (turns out it was a picture of her eating her favorite food, pizza!)
The teacher read them a story about a girl who eats too many cookies and gets a tummy ache.
A little boy in her class told a story about when he had a tummy ache.
The color is blue and the shape is a square.
There are two slides on the playground and a "spinny thingy." But she only did one slide today.
She made friends, but she did not remember anyone's names.

I am so happy that she loves school. Hopefully that means many, many more years of happy learning! But I cannot believe we are already here. Three years ago, Asa and I were cuddling with our newborn Marley. And now she is wearing a backpack and going school.

Ok, now I think I may cry!

Picking up our soldier

The morning we picked up Asa from the airport was a flurry of excitement, stress, anxiety, anticipation, and happiness! The arrivals gate at the DFW airport is a pretty big deal. Soldiers from Afghanistan and Iraq arrive there every single day to start their R&R. So, their first look of the United States in filled with veterans, girl scouts, boy scouts, church groups, and random volunteers. The families that can come to this airport to pick up their soldiers have a special
area to stand in.While we waited for Asa, we were the talk of the airport. People were commenting on how small Vivi was and asking if this would be the first time he met her. When I answered "yes," most of them told me they would "be watching me!" That's a lot of pressure!

It felt like we waited forever. One soldier came out first, so they got excited and started the music. The blaring, patriotic music, that is! But then it was 30 minutes before the big group of them came through the doors. It was so hard to wait. It was like this jump every time I could tell someone was about to come through and then my heart sank when it wasn't him.

But then it was our turn.




Oh, it was amazing. To see his face. To see the smile on Marley's face. To touch him and hug him and kiss him. I couldn't focus on anything else. It was the best feeling in the world, to have our little family all together.

He held Vivi for the first time there in the middle of every thing. I think she was confused and his uniform was a little scratchy, but she didn't cry one bit. She knew she could trust him.

We walked out through a line of volunteers handing us snacks, drinks, girl scout cookies, and cards. I felt like we were celebrities!
Marley was ecstatic. She missed her Daddy so much. I didn't really realize how much until he was back and I saw how amazed she was with him. The went right back to how they were before he left. While he was gone, I worried that things wouldn't be the same between them. She never really had the patience to talk to him on the phone. But I was stressed for nothing. She wasn't nervous with him at all. She was the happiest little girl in the world.

I couldn't have asked for more this day. It was completely perfect.

If you are interested in watching a video that the volunteer organization, Welcome Home a Hero, put together, you can here. And if you are in the DFW area, there are hundreds of troop arriving there every single day and anyone is welcome to come to the airport to greet them! Go to welcomehomeahero.com to find out more information!

Smiling

So much has happened since I last blogged. I can't believe it has been almost a month!

Asa come home for R&R. We spent as much time together as we possibly could. He finally got to hold Marley again and he got to meet his new baby for the first time. Vivi grew and changed and turned into a totally different baby. Marley matured, tested her limits, and laughed more than I've ever heard. And then Asa left again.

Here we are, three days later. It's definitely hard. Marley realizes what's going on this time. She knows what it means when I say that he is at work far away. She tells me she misses her "favorite guy." It was difficult to watch him hug Marley goodbye and see her sad little face. It was also difficult to watch him hold Vivi for the last time, trying to soak up her little body as much as he could. It's hard to know that as much as I want to hug him and talk to him and cuddle with him, there are two little girls who also want to and I can't fix it for them.

R&R is an emotional time. I wanted to soak every thing up and enjoy every moment. I told myself before he got here that I would always remember how it felt to miss him and I wouldn't waste our time together. But after a few days, it feels totally normal to be together as a family. And until he said the words "when I'm gone..." it was easy to forget he would be leaving again. I wanted to take as many pictures and videos as I possibly could, but I also didn't want to be watching all our time together through a lens.

Two weeks flies by, and now we are trying to get back to a new normal. I am excited about my favorite season and the cooler weather that will hopefully start soon. We have school, gymnastics, story time at the library, picnics, trips to the playground, exercising, and holidays to keep us busy. Before we know it, he will be home again. We just have to keep looking forward, being hopeful, and staying positive. It helps nothing to dwell and feel sorry for myself all day.

I have to think of the last two weeks as a breath of fresh air, a gift. A reminder of how amazing our love is. And a reminder of what a perfect family we have. I am even more excited than ever to be together again.

Until then, we will keep smiling.