Life Right Now

Vivi had her two month doctor's appointment on Wednesday. She weighs 12 pounds, 11 ounces and is 24.5 inches long! 90% percentile right there! Someone is eating well! She had to get her first set of serious shots. She cried, of course. For a long time. And she pretty much hasn't been the same since. She slept the entire day after the appointment and had a slight fever, and then hasn't gotten back to the normal routine since. At her one month appointment, she doctor told us that she had a slight heart murmur and a hip click. I was supposed to go get an x-ray done on her hip, but I failed to do that in our busy month. But it turns out that both things are gone now and she is a totally healthy little baby!
Vivi has two extremes. She is either terribly upset or happy and smiling. So, of course, I love and soak up the happy times. She definitely smiles more than Marley did when she was this age. We barely have to do anything to make Vivi smile when she is in a decent mood. I feel like we had to try really hard to make Marley smile when she was this age. Unfortunately, she is still a little fussy. But I'm figuring her out and lessening her crying every day.

Marley is doing pretty well. She is loving school and being outside and learning. She is always asking me to do her workbooks with her. I am so glad she loves to learn new things! She is getting so great at writing her letters. She can write some of them all by herself! It's really hard for me to remember sometimes that I have to be Mommy and Daddy right now. When he's here, Asa is the fun one. He keeps her laughing all day. I have to keep reminding myself to be that way for her. I can't replace him, but I hope I can make her happy like he does.
Being the mommy to two kids is so hard. I love our girls and I am so thankful for them. But I have a continuous feeling of guilt about everything. When I'm nursing Vivi, I feel guilty that I can't play with Marley. When I'm making Marley's lunch and Vivi is sitting alone whining in her swing, I feel guilty that I can't hold her. I have so many times every day when I just want to be able to be alone with one of them so that I can give them all of my attention for a little while.
Vivi hasn't wanted to be put down since her doctor's appointment on Wednesday. I get her to sleep, lay her down in bed, and she is immediately awake and we have to do it all over again. I keep promising Marley that we will be able to do something when Vivi takes a nap. We plan to paint her nails, do art projects, make muffins. And then we have to change or cancel our plans. It breaks my heart to disappoint her so much every day. I know Marley behaves so much better when I can spend some time focusing on her. And I know she misses our time together. I want to be able to give that to her. It's so hard to balance my time and make every one happy.

I will say that the absolute best thing we bought before Vivi came was the Ergo. I use that thing every single day, whether it's so that I can play with Marley or get chores done. I can't even imagine how much worse I would be feeling without it.

(Best picture I could get with these girls!)

But, don't get me wrong. I am also having a blast with our girls. I couldn't be happier when I watch them together and I can tell how much they love each other. Vivi smiles at Marley when she sees her and was so close to laughing at her tonight. That would be amazing, for Vivi's first laugh to be for her sister. Marley deserves it. She is such an amazing, loving big sister.