Growing Up

When I had been nursing Marley for a few months I thought about how hard it would be to wean her one day. It was something that both of us loved so much, that I didn't even want to think about the day that she would grow out of it. I knew I would cry. But a few months ago when I started the weaning process, I really felt like I was ready to be done. My goal was to make it to two years, and I have done that! I feel ashamed admitting this, but it was becoming a burden sometimes, and I felt like she was too dependent on it. But my guilt would immediately kick in and I would think, "She's still my baby!" I loved nursing her. It was such a special time that only she and I could share and the smile on her face made it worth everything. But every baby grows up at some point, right?

I started getting really serious about it while I was in Nacogdoches. I thought I would take the opportunity while we would be busy and she would have other people to entertain her to lessen her nursing time. There was more crying than I wanted. There was less sleeping than I wanted. But every night it got easier. We started with having to nurse her all the way to sleep, to now we nurse until I count to ten and then she happily moves on and goes to sleep. Which seems like HUGE progress! So, two weeks later, it seems I have a grown up little girl!

She now sleeps for about 11 hours straight every night! She falls asleep while I lay next to her, but then I get up and don't see her again until her smiling face greets me in the morning! She used to wake up crying every morning (probably because she hadn't gotten enough sleep trying to nurse all night) and now she wakes up a happy baby, ready to cuddle and gossip with me in bed!

And she suddenly has a huge appetite! She will eat more at one meal than she used to eat in an entire day. She eats so many more things now also. She is still not into vegetables, but pretty much everything else we can get her to eat. She is constantly asking for more food, which makes me so happy!

She talks like crazy now also! This probably doesn't have much to do with nursing, but I think it does have to do with growing up and becoming her own person. Words that she used to say wrong, she is figuring out how to say correctly. And she is just constantly repeating the words I say. I told Asa that we are reaching the point where we can't say anything we don't want her repeating!

And finally, laughing. For the past 3 or 4 days Marley has been laughing like crazy. Maybe she's just feeling well-rested and energetic. Or maybe she is so happy because Asa and I are so happy. Either way, I love it. She is so happy and can't stop laughing!

When I started this process I wondered, is this the best thing for her? For me? Well, judging by all the positive ways she has changed, I think she was ready. She may not have known she was, but a little nudge from Momma in the right direction was all she needed. It's obvious to me that she is happy and thriving. Was I really ready? Who knows. Sometimes I think I was, and sometimes I think I wasn't. It does break my heart when I think about that time ending. It was so special and I couldn't even put into words how much I will miss it sometimes. One day I will wish I could just curl up with my baby Marley and cuddle while she nurses again. And on the day that I miss that, I will cuddle up with my little girl and tell her stories about what a sweet baby she was and how much I used to love to feed her and rock her to sleep and spend the night next to her in bed. One day, I will nurse Marley's little brother or sister, and I will get to show her how I used to take care of her, and I will explain to her how special it was to both of us. She won't remember first-hand, so all I have are my memories to keep those special moments. It's so hard to watch your baby grow up and realize all the things that you will miss. Things that you took for granted at the time and now, if you could only have that time back.

Breast feeding is something I am so passionate about and something I held so dear. It's a beautiful, magical thing and I am so thankful every day that it worked so well for us. It is part of why Marley is the way she is now, and I wouldn't change it for anything! I am so proud of my little lady.