She's Finally Here

So, it was time for the c-section. Time to meet the little person who had been living inside me for so long. They brought the anesthesiologist back into the room and he talked to me about the surgery and gave me more medicine in the epidural. I told him about me being dilated and he asked if I was sure this is what I wanted to do. I appreciated him being interested, but I wasn't going to change my mind. Asa was all dressed up in his scrubs and they were actually going to let my mom look in through a window while it was going on. This is not something they do on a regular basis, but I know she really wanted to be there for me. And it made me feel more comforted that she was there.

Once we got in the operating room, they moved me onto the table. I felt soooo heavy since I couldn't move anything and I was almost embarrassed since there were people that were having to lift me. They put up the sheet to block my view. After that it was a blur. I remember a few things, like that I was shaking really bad, the blood pressure machine was killing me, and that I got really sick to my stomach. The anesthesiologist asked me if I could feel him pinching me and I hadn't even known anyone was trying it. I remember asking Asa if they had started and he said no, but a few second later the doctor said they were almost to the baby. Asa kept looking over the sheet, then sitting back down, then looking over again. I could see my mom's smile if I turned me head to the left. I also remember that I made sure Dr. Hill knew that we didn't know what we were having and that she had to tell us as soon as she knew.

When the finally got to the baby, I heard Dr. Hill say, "Does that look like a girl's face or a boy's face?" Then a few seconds later I heard, "It's a girl!" The tears immediately started pouring out of my eyes. I was laughing and crying at the same time, which is a wonderful feeling. They held her over the sheet for me to see. I couldn't really tell what she looked like, but I was so relieved to see her! I could hear her crying as they took her over to the bassinet. Asa followed, which is exactly where I wanted him to be. I remember mouthing to my mom "It's a girl" and her just nodding and smiling at me. I kept asking the doctors "Is she okay?" and the anesthesiologist kept saying that she was great. Soon, Asa came back over to me and I asked to see pictures of her. All I remember saying is "She has your lips!" Then, i got to see her. Asa came around the corner with her all wrapped up and showed her to my mom through the window, who was crying. They I finally got to touch her. Asa leaned down with her and I just remember kissing her over and over. The nurse took a few pictures of us. The love I felt for her was overwhelming already and I could tell by the look on Asa's face that he felt the same way. I had never felt closer to him or more proud to be with him. We had our baby! We had waited for 9 months to meet her and she was finally here and the sweetest thing I had ever seen. Throughout the pregnancy, I prayed that our baby would be beautiful. But, she was more beautiful than either of us could have imagined. I wanted to hold her so bad.

But our time together could not last very long. The nurse had Asa and our baby follow her out and into the nursery and I was left to finish being sewn up. It was over pretty quickly, but then again all I was thinking about was the baby. The doctors got me transferred to the new bed and wheeled me out to the recovery room. As we left the labor and delivery area of the hospital, I turned my head to see everyone down the hall. I couldn't see who all it was, but I knew they were there for me. They took me past the nursery where I could see my baby again. She was butt naked with her eyes wide open. The doctors moving me commented on how beautiful she was and I felt proud. I didn't to leave her there with all the people she didn't know, but I didn't have a choice.

The recovery room was the hardest part of the night. I had given birth to a baby that was now alone in the hospital and I had never even gotten to hold her. I didn't really remember what she looked like since I hadn't gotten to see her for that long. Two different doctors came in and made comments about all the people waiting to see me in the hallway. This made me even more excited because I wanted to see all the people who had come to see me and the baby! I wanted to thank them for coming and showing they love me! Finally, after an hour and 15 minutes, they nurse got herself together to take me to my room. As I passed the nursery there was a family standing in the window looking at my baby and talking about how gorgeous she was. They saw me and asked if I was her mother. I got to proudly say, "Yes, I'm her mom." It felt amazing to say those words, something I had never said before. I asked when I would get to see her and they said it would be about 30 minutes.

Unfortunately, all my guests had left except for Asa and my mom. They were waiting in the room for me when I got there. I recounted to them how everything had gone and what I was thinking and feeling through the whole thing. They had both already gotten to hold her, so when the nursery brought her to me, I was first. She was so tiny and beautiful and peaceful. When they handed her to me all I wanted to do was cry. I felt like the luckiest person in the world to be able to call this little person mine. All the drama that had happened through the day didn't matter one bit. She was here and she was healthy and she was in my arms. Eventually I let me mom hold her since it was late and my mom needed to get home. I was dead tired, but all I wanted to do was stay awake with her so I wouldn't miss anything. It was nice to finally be able to talk to Asa and see how he was feeling. He sounded so excited, but so tired.

One thing we had not discussed was what we would name her. But there was nothing to discuss. We both knew that her name would be Marley Jennings Vermeulen. It was amazing that we had argued about it for months, but once we met her it was like she named herself. Our first few attempts at breastfeeding were not easy. I had flat nipples and could not get her to latch on for more than a few seconds. But this was something that I really wanted to do. We called in my nurse and one from the nursery, but neither really knew what to do. Finally someone brought me a nipple shield. It is pretty much shaped like a bottle nipple, but you put it on your breast for the baby to suck from. She did great with that and after we have nursed a few times, she was a pro. Nursing her was amazing. She pretty much ate every two hours on her own. I didn't feed her one a schedule, I did it on demand. It was so satisfying to be able to feed ehr that way and feel so proud of myself for accomplishing it. She looked so content and happy.

We decided that we wanted to let her stay in the room with us. However, she did not like being on the bassinet all alone (and I didn't blame her) so I held her all night. Unfortunately, half way through the night I got really sick and was throwing up. I really didn't want her to end up with vomit on her, so we called the nursery to come get her. I asked that they bring her back when she needed to eat. Even with Marley gone, I hardly got any sleep. With a nurse coming in every hour to check on you and a blood pressure monitor going off every half hour I barely slept.

It felt like it never would, but morning came and the nursery brought Marley back to us. Her doctor came by to tell us she was perfectly healthy, and then the visitors started. Everyone came by to visit. The visitors pretty much didn't stop until Saturday afternoon when we left. We spent a little time with just the three of us. We took a nap together in the hospital bed. Other than diaper changes, she was being held the entire time. And I think that's the way it should be. You can't expect your baby to love hanging out by itself when its just been inside of you for 9 whole months. They need that comfort.

On Saturday, we got the go ahead to leave the hospital. My mom brought over the outfit that I wore home from the hospital and we put it on her. It was her first real outfit and she looked adorable! They took her to the nursery one more time for her hospital pictures (which I have still never been told about) and then she wheeled us out. It was amazing to leave the hospital with her. It felt so real at that point.

We spent Saturday night at the mom's house so that she could feed us and take care of me. That night was rough. I had not really heard about how good swaddling was for them, so I didn't get much sleep. She probably felt too alone and open with just a onesie on. So, I kept trying to feed her and walk with her, but I could not figure out what to do. Finally at 4ish, my mom got up and helped me with her. I took a nap and my mom held her while Marley slept. It was great to have her help all day. But, by Sunday afternoon I really wanted to be at our home. I was ready for things to be back to normal. But what was normal now?

All Day Event

We woke up at 5:35 am from a phone call from my mom. She was supposed to meet us up there at 5:15, but neither of the alarms we set had gone off! I had been sure the night before that I wouldn't even be able to sleep, but sure enough I slept right through the time I wanted to be there. So, the day started more stressful than I wanted it to. I rushed into the shower and then hurried to get everything ready. Luckily, we had done most of the packing work the night before so all we had to do was take it to the car.

We got to the hospital around 6:00 am and had to go through the ER to get registered. I had already pre-registered, so I thought this would go quickly... unfortunately we had the slowest possible lady entering us into the computer. She typed with her pointer fingers only! So, after 45 minutes of sitting there while she looked at the computer we went up to the labor and delivery floor. We found my mom there waiting for us with breakfast for Asa and looked for the nurse who would get everything started.

I was put in labor and delivery room 4, given a gown, and told to give a urine sample (that ended up sitting there the entire day). The next step was to start an IV with fluids. I had never had one before, so I was nervous about it. It hurt a little bit and it was uncomfortable. They had someone from the lab come in and draw what felt like a ton of blood for some tests. After she had drawn the blood and was packing up, the nurse came in and said they forgot some. So, she had to do it all over again. I don't like having blood drawn and this lady was not very nice about it. It hurt. They also hooked my up to a blood pressure monitor that would take my blood pressure every 15 minutes. And then they started the pitocin at around 7:00 am and we waited.

I was barely feeling anything when Dr. Hill came in around 8:30. She broke my water (which I couldn't even feel) and told me that I was still about two and a half centimeters. She also estimated that we would have the baby around 5:00 that evening! Now there was really nothing to do for a while... After my water broke, the contractions started to get a little stronger. Around 11 I asked for a rocking chair to move around a little bit. Asa's family was at the hospital by now and so was Mimi. Rocking was really nice, since the main place I was feeling pain was in my lower back. At 12 the nurses asked me to get back into bed because Dr. Hill would be there soon. When she got there she checked me again and I was about 4 centimeters. She also put in internal monitors for me and the baby so they could keep better track of the baby's heartbeat and the strength of contractions. Now we could actually see the contractions coming and how strong they were. I got back in the rocking chair until about 12:45 when I couldn't handle it anymore. I told the nurse I wanted the epidural.

I was really scared about the epidural. The anesthesiologist came in (with an intern) and they explained a little bit about what was going to happen. I didn't want to know much. They let Asa and my mother stay in the room during the procedure, which I had never heard of. I sat over the side of the bed leaning against Asa while he tried to start the epidural. After two unsuccessful attempts, they had the nurse take Asa's place. Apparently I was not leaning over far enough. I was in a lot of pain from the contractions and from what he was doing. I was crying really hard, but trying not to shake and mess up the procedure. It was really hard to handle all of it, but eventually he got it and everything felt much better.

We hung out for a few more hours until the nurse came in around 3 to check me. I was only to 5 centimeters... I wasn't discouraged yet, but things were definitely moving slower than expected. So, we all took a nap. Around 6 Dr. Hill was back to check me. 5 centimeters... which was not good. During the afternoon we had seen the baby's heartbeat drop blow normal and I had been put on oxygen. The fact that I had not dilated in at least three hours, the baby's head had not moved down, and the baby's heart rate was dropping meant that a c-section might be the best option. Dr. Hill said she would give me 30 minutes to think about it and she would be back, but she really recommended it. I was devastated. I really wanted to have the baby vaginally, and I was terrified about the surgery and recovery. But I knew it would be best for both of us. So, before the 30 minutes was up, I had the nurse go ahead and let Dr. Hill know that I wanted to go with the Cesarean. Then I cried. For a long time. I was scared about not being able to enjoy my baby while I was recovering from major surgery, missing the bonding time right after you have the baby, and the pain.

At about 7 they turned off the pitocin and started getting everything ready for the c-section. As soon as the contractions slowed down I could tell that the baby had moved back up. Almost immediately after that I felt a lot of pain. My lower back was hurting, but I still had the epidural so I just waited. The contractions gradually got worse and worse. They were coming stronger and it was hurting so bad that I was in tears. I told the nurse several times that the epidural was not working and she kept saying that I was about to go in for the c-section and they would fix it then. Finally, after about 30 minutes of intense pain she asked if it was pain or pressure. I still think it was pain, but she said that if it was pressure she would check me. So, she called Dr. Hill to ask if she could and Dr. Hill said yes.

So, at about 8 pm I found out that I was 8 or 9 centimeters and the baby's head had moved way down! As excited as I was that I had made progress, I was completely drained from crying and being in labor all day. I still didn't want to have a c-section, but the thought of having the baby in an hour was great compared to a few more hours of labor and then an hour or two of pushing. Dr. Hill said she would give me 30 minutes and check me again to see if anything would change, but I said no. I was way too tired and I just wanted to meet my baby after all this work. So, about 8:30 it was time to go to the operating room and meet our baby. I was soooo nervous, but soooo excited!

Preparations

Well, it will probably take me a few posts, but I am going to write about the birth and baby process. So, here goes...

At our doctor's appointment on August 4th, the doctor told us I needed to be induced on Thursday, August 7, 2008. This was due to my blood pressure getting higher and higher and symptoms of pre-eclampsia getting worse and worse. I was so excited that I couldn't even contain myself. Although it would be considered early (38 weeks), a baby is considered full term by then and should not have to stay in the hospital any extra time. Dr. Hill also said that I should not work the rest of the week and I should lay around the house until Thursday morning. So, I was given my orders: show up at 5:15 Thursday morning and have baby!

That gave Asa and I three full days pretty much to make sure everything was ready to go. After calling all the people we needed to to inform them of the news, we headed to Windhill where I had to break the news to Carrie. I told her I would stay for the rest of Monday and help train the new girl that would be taking my spot temporarily. I spent the day explaining things to her and printing up the last minutes things that I needed to get done. I was so excited when I left! Don't get me wrong, I love working at Windhill, but just put me one step closer to meeting my baby!

Monday night and Tuesday morning were pretty much a blur. I made tons of lists and ordered Asa around as to what he was supposed to be doing. We ran errands that needed to be done, cleaned the house a little bit, and talked a lot about what was about to happen. We both couldn't wait. On Tuesday evening we went on our last date as non-parents. We went to Union Cafe and ate a huge meal, including dessert. We went to Kroger to pick up the issue of People Magazine with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's twins in it. We ran into Hunter Chambers there, who I had been wanting to see. It was really fun to see his reaction to my belly since he had not seen me since December. We hung out at home for a little while before I had the idea to go walk around WalMart thinking it might put me into labor. I walked for about an hour, but nothing happened.

Wednesday, the day before the induction, was full of cleaning and anything else I could think of. We completely cleaned everything! Our house looked so good once it was all over! Asa even shampooed the carpet. In the afternoon we took Kima to her new temporary home at Noah-Beth's house. I was really sad to take her, once we got there I felt a lot better when I saw how much fun she was having with Annie. After that, my mom was going to a party at Alyx's house for the field trip they had just gone on. She invited Asa and I to come over and hang out in the pool. We accepted and it turned out to a lot of fun even though we did not go on the field trip. We swam around for a while (hoping it might put me into labor) and Asa jumped off Alyx's roof into the pool! After we had had our fun, we went to WalMart again to get some last minute things. Still no labor. We probably stayed up until about 1:30 am simply because we were too excited to sleep. I was so emotional and cried a few times over nothing. There were so many things I wanted to think about and talk about, but at the same time I just wanted to relax with Asa. We finished packing everything and set two alarms (for 4:15 and 4:20) before we finally went to sleep.

The Baby is Coming!

I am being induced Thursday morning (August 7, 2008)! So, everbody get ready, the baby is coming!