Loving each other is a given. But I think something that has really helped Marley is talking about it.
Marley doesn't actually get to talk to Asa very often. I usually chat to him on Yahoo Messenger, he calls every few days, and then we have gotten to Skype with him only a handful of times. So, she doesn't get to hear his voice all the time telling her that he loves her. So, most days it is my job to tell her all throughout the day and every night how much her Daddy loves her.
I also make a point to talk about how much I love him and he loves me. I think it is important to remind her how much we love each other. Parents who are together (and happy) are frequently hugging and kissing each other around their kids. Since we are not physically together, I still want to present that for Marley as much as I can. I feel like it is very important for her to know we are in love and happy.
I have to make sure that I also talk about how much Asa loves Vivi. Vivi has only been with him for two weeks of her life, so I want to make sure Marley remembers that he loves both of his girls! I don't want it to be a big shock for Marley when he comes home and also wants to spend time with Vivi!
I really feel like these things are making a difference in how Marley thinks about her family. It may seem obvious and silly to put so much effort into this, but I don't want her to ever doubt our love for each other and I want her to feel as secure as possible in this situation. She tells me randomly all the time about how much she loves Daddy and loves her family. I can tell that it has an impact on her and I am thankful that I have reminded her how happy and in love we all are!
Showing posts with label Surviving Deployment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Surviving Deployment. Show all posts
Monday, December 12, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Surviving Deployement: Get Out of the House!
Tomorrow will mark nine months since Asa left for Afghanistan. NINE MONTHS PEOPLE! That feels like a huge accomplishment. So much has happened, so much has changed. But we are finally on the downhill slope!
Since I have a big chunk of this year under my belt, I have decided to share some of the tips I have learned for making deployment a little easier. These will be things that have worked for us and made our lives a little bit better than they could have been. All of these tips may not work for someone else, but I hope they help someone who is going through a deployment sometime soon or in the thick of it right now.
Obviously, nothing I say is going to completely fix the fact that my husband isn't here. But there are things that I try to remember every day and I feel like they have helped me have a positive attitude as much as I have!
Today's piece of advice is simple: Get Out of the House!
Ok, getting out of the house isn't always simple, especially with kids coming along. But the days are so much easier and faster for me when I get out of the house, no matter what the outing is. And finding activities that the girls will enjoy means that I will get to see them happy also! Marley absolutely loves getting out of the house.
I watched one of those surprise homecoming shows at the beginning of Asa's deployment, where they were interviewing a mother of three whose husband was deployed. She explained that life had stopped after her husband left and her kids had not gotten to do a single fun thing because she didn't want her husband to miss it. For 11 months, their three kids hadn't done anything special! I can't even imagine how slowly that year has dragged on for them. Kids need things to look forward to and experiences to learn from and enjoy!
Asa and I discussed this a lot before he left. I was worried I was going to feel guilty that I was home doing whatever I wanted to with the kids and he couldn't be a part of it. I wondered if I should tell him what we did or just keep everything very vague.
He reassured me that he wanted us to do things. He didn't want our lives to stop for a year until he got home. He wants us to do whatever we possibly can in this time because he is working hard so that we can all be happy. We will have done so many things by the time this year is over. My heart does break sometimes when we do something that I think he would really enjoy, but I try to remember that we will do it together in a few months.
I try to get out of the house at least once a day. It's a special bonus if it's something that lets Marley use up a lot of energy! I carry my camera with me for as much as I possibly can so that at least he can see pictures of what we are doing and videos if anything cute happens! He loves to see those pictures and feel like he was there in that sense.
I encourage you to have that conversation with your deploying spouse. It isn't very fun to think about all the things they will miss. But I promise it is necessary to your sanity to not be cooped up inside for a year! And your kids deserve it, too! I always remind myself that our girls are only this age once and they should get to have a blast as a three year old and 4 month old. I can't spend a year of their lives waiting around for life to start again!
So, pack up the kids right now and go do something that all of you will love! Take a walk, go to the playground, visit the library, or go enjoy a yummy lunch out. Your day will seem so much brighter, and while you won't ever forget that your soldier is gone, it will make things go by a little faster!
Since I have a big chunk of this year under my belt, I have decided to share some of the tips I have learned for making deployment a little easier. These will be things that have worked for us and made our lives a little bit better than they could have been. All of these tips may not work for someone else, but I hope they help someone who is going through a deployment sometime soon or in the thick of it right now.
Obviously, nothing I say is going to completely fix the fact that my husband isn't here. But there are things that I try to remember every day and I feel like they have helped me have a positive attitude as much as I have!
Today's piece of advice is simple: Get Out of the House!
Ok, getting out of the house isn't always simple, especially with kids coming along. But the days are so much easier and faster for me when I get out of the house, no matter what the outing is. And finding activities that the girls will enjoy means that I will get to see them happy also! Marley absolutely loves getting out of the house.
I watched one of those surprise homecoming shows at the beginning of Asa's deployment, where they were interviewing a mother of three whose husband was deployed. She explained that life had stopped after her husband left and her kids had not gotten to do a single fun thing because she didn't want her husband to miss it. For 11 months, their three kids hadn't done anything special! I can't even imagine how slowly that year has dragged on for them. Kids need things to look forward to and experiences to learn from and enjoy!
Asa and I discussed this a lot before he left. I was worried I was going to feel guilty that I was home doing whatever I wanted to with the kids and he couldn't be a part of it. I wondered if I should tell him what we did or just keep everything very vague.
He reassured me that he wanted us to do things. He didn't want our lives to stop for a year until he got home. He wants us to do whatever we possibly can in this time because he is working hard so that we can all be happy. We will have done so many things by the time this year is over. My heart does break sometimes when we do something that I think he would really enjoy, but I try to remember that we will do it together in a few months.
I try to get out of the house at least once a day. It's a special bonus if it's something that lets Marley use up a lot of energy! I carry my camera with me for as much as I possibly can so that at least he can see pictures of what we are doing and videos if anything cute happens! He loves to see those pictures and feel like he was there in that sense.
I encourage you to have that conversation with your deploying spouse. It isn't very fun to think about all the things they will miss. But I promise it is necessary to your sanity to not be cooped up inside for a year! And your kids deserve it, too! I always remind myself that our girls are only this age once and they should get to have a blast as a three year old and 4 month old. I can't spend a year of their lives waiting around for life to start again!
So, pack up the kids right now and go do something that all of you will love! Take a walk, go to the playground, visit the library, or go enjoy a yummy lunch out. Your day will seem so much brighter, and while you won't ever forget that your soldier is gone, it will make things go by a little faster!
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